Hellooooo *tap tap* is anyone  out there?

I didn't ever end up doing protected posting. I just ended up posting on our family blog but now I need somewhere to post where my parents and the in-laws don't read.

So, we're pregnant again! Very much a surprise as I didn't even have a period since having Nathan. I am nervous. Nathan has been a very demanding baby and I have enjoyed very little of his babyhood. Usually I love having a baby in the house. I'm nervous this baby will be as demanding and difficult as he's been. On May 1st he'll be 10 months. I'll be 8 weeks pregnant on Monday. I'm trying really hard to be positive but it's difficult. I am tired and worn down and feel as though I have nothing *nothing* left to give. Literally I feel as though the life has been sucked out of me. I know I'm depending too much on my own strength (and there is none left) and not on God.

We have not told our families yet. My sister here in town knows, but she's the only one who is very supportive and understanding. Chad's family will be the hardest to tell as they are very negative. My parents will react okay, but we'll probably wait to tell any of them until after the gender ultrasound at 20 weeks. Side note: I'm sure this is another boy. It's difficult to not be able to talk to anyone about this.

Chad has been so amazing. I don't deserve him. He held me last night when I completely fell apart. He jumps up to help me when I truly need it (and I've been needing it a lot lately). He took such good care of me when I was on bedrest during my pregnancy with Nathan. He's started making me eggs again, I eat them a lot when I am pregnant and he makes the best eggs. I've been feeling like CRAP with nausea and he left to get me morning sickness wrist bands late last night when I was crying and feeling so horrible. He takes such good care of me, and I am very blessed.

I just don't know how to keep perspective in the midst of all the needs when I feel as if I'm drowning. I wake up frustrated and upset, before anything has even happened. That's not fair to my family.  I don't know. I don't know what God is doing but I have to trust that He's in this.

This summer has been long, hot, and apart from our sweet Nathan's birth, it has been very un-exciting. Especially compared to our wonderful cross country trip to visit Daddy's family last summer, and the many trips to the cabin and lake the summer before. I'm thankful for my mom's visit, and seeing Grandma and Grandpa. We're also looking forward to seeing Nana, Grandad and Uncle Ryan next month! I'm sad that we weren't able to do more fun, exciting activities, but we've taken advantage of every opportunity that we could. One of those opportunities was going to the circus yesterday! A friend of ours works for the local radio station, and she gave us free tickets. We didn't stay the entire time because Eli was not very happy on Big Daddy's back, in the backpack, and we weren't about to let him out and have free reign. It was also incredibly H-O-T. I know the older 2 had fun though.

Thankfully, the kids are still easily entertained, and the big excitement for them lately has been to go outside and play each day. Audri has learned to ride her bike without training wheels very recently, so she is enjoying going outside to practice. We don't have a nice yard (that's an understatement), we were planning on this being a temporary rental so I didn't think the yard mattered all that much, but it looks like we're going to be here longer than we planned. So that's been a bummer, but oh well. It's not a pretty yard, and if the gates are open it's not a safe yard at all, since it opens up right onto a main street (yikes) so we basically have to be out there the entire time they're playing. We do have some sweet neighbor children beneath us that are around Audri's age, and they like playing out there together.

It rained today, a very rare event in our town, so the kids went outside and got soaked. Especially when the neighbor girl brought out the water hose.  They had fun, and I had fun taking pictures. Here's the best one:

Usually they can only stay outside for around an hour, mainly because of the heat and the set-up of our yard, so the days have been very long. I know the kids and I have a bit of cabin fever since we spend the majority of our days inside our little house, and my tolerance right now is very low. I'm thinking about doing a movie night tonight with popcorn, hopefully that will help keep them occupied and relatively quiet.

We've also pretty much decided to start Audri in sports this season, specifically a casual soccer league at a local church. My sister's kids are a part of this, and apparently it's very well done and low-key. We'll try it out and see how it goes. I think she would love it, and we'll need the extra outside time especially if we're still living in this little place. I'm also looking into some kind of art class or other activity for them. I think Carter will enjoy Martial Arts just like Daddy did, and I know Eli will be a little athlete, but it's hard to find something when they're still so young.

Nathan is getting bigger everyday, I am enjoying him so much.

Well that's about all the news for now.